Blog
The power of rules
Rule: one of a set of explicit or understood regulations or principles governing conduct within a particular activity or sphere. –Oxford Languages I was watching
35 Things I’ve Learned (About Relationships)
Kath and I celebrated our 35th year anniversary on 7/20. We were partners until 2015, when we got married (I’m still adjusting to the word
The Power of Flow
The half-rolled-up papers fell down the pull-down attic stairs. They were the plans for the newer wing of the music school, and the print was
The best things I know about couples’ dynamics I learned at the dog park
It’s how we start most days, heading off with our two canine companions to the local dog park. We know many of the dogs by
How I came to prefer the middle seat
I typed this from the middle seat on a Southwest Airlines flight from Denver to Tucson. The aisle seat was occupied by a muscular young
The Power of Connection
The audience of 70 people was still. Riveted. What they were witnessing is rarely seen in public. They leaned forward in their seats, trying to
Want to play?
What do you want to do now? That’s what we asked each other every time there was a pause in our last game. There were
Digging for Treasure
Have you heard the parable of the seeker who wanders the world, endlessly pursuing illusory treasure, only to return home and find it hidden right there,
‘Tis the season of joy…is it??
“Tis the season of joy, right?” Have you ever felt like kicking one of those carolers in the shin… as they bellow up “joy to the
How to thrive during (and after) this election
“lt’s so bleak” We were hanging out, chatting at the local dog park. We have a little community of regulars, where we know each others’
Seven keys to cocreation
I remember the sinking feeling in my gut. I thought I was doomed. I’d just learned about the Karpman Drama Triangle, where we can enter in
Discover your hidden superpower
I lie awake worrying—imagining my future, where I’ll be in one of those terrible places like my mother ended up, all alone, dying all alone.
Feeling afraid of showing your true self?
LGBTQ+ people have given us a unique and priceless gift. We’ve been beaten, killed, shunned, excommunicated, turned away, told we’re going to burn in Hell,
The tyrant that is your Reactive Brain
I picture my Reactive Brain as an 8” tall cartoon Napoleon. He’s strutting around with his face in a grimace, shaking his fist up at
Got connection?
Connection is a nutrient I was having a hard day. Nothing big; I’d been in a meeting and had a conflict. I couldn’t really tell
Real power is evolutionary power
Your presence is your power. Your presence is your freedom . Your presence is your happiness. –Sarah Blondin Once again, we have a world stage
Drama or Co-creation?
When I first learned about the Karpman Drama Triangle (where people fall into three roles, Victim, Villain and Hero)*, I had two clear blasts of
Every link matters
Do you remember the story of the 80 person human chain that formed to rescue a family caught in a riptide? It was in 2017.
This is what you’re doing here
Embracing Your Role in Our Collective Transformation I rode my bike to Flatiron Coffee Shop today in Boulder, Colorado. It’s December 26. After a warm,
Mean, nice-? SHINE ON!
Years ago I was teaching the Intensive Learning Community and thought to divide the group into those who were MEAN and those who were NICE.
The Power of SEW
What is S.E.W? Sensations-Emotions-Want. When partners are committed to using S.E.W., it immediately puts them back on an even playing field. All conflicts can be worked through
Lift every voice
Lift every voice and sing Till earth and heaven ring Ring with the harmonies of Liberty; Let our rejoicing rise, High as the list’ning skies,
Loving the wind
Nature wastes nothing, not even a quark. –David Hawkins On Christmas Eve, I stepped out into the chilly night to assist in putting out the
What if we’re all doing the best we can?
When was the last time you judged? Yourself, someone else? 5 seconds ago? 5 minutes? Maybe you made it a whole hour without comparing, sizing
“It’s time for leaders to lead” (and by leader, I mean you)
On Sunday we were nourished in every way at our favorite breakfast spot, the Walnut Cafe. Owned and run by the inexhaustible Dana Derichsweiller since
Playing Your Own Game
When I was little, I started out by fighting dirty. In our household (I was the youngest of four in the 1960s) the siblings fought
CALL TO ACTION– Be an Activist: Choose to Live Above the Line
Are you feeling stressed out about the current political landscape? Want to have a flowing, maybe even an enjoyable experience of the US election? Here’s
THIS IS WHAT WE’RE HERE FOR
Wild fires. Scorching heat, suffocating smoke. The slow unspooling of the pandemic, with its high mortality rate, long-term physical damage, wide-spread economic and educational ramifications.
Process: Climb the Map
Have you been feeling stuck in fear, anger, sadness, even despair? I’ve been developing different ways to shift states for many years, and think “Climb
Celebrating the season of darkness
I know the dark calls to you sometimes. That you turn your face from the light. I know you walk down the roads you know
GO TEAM HUMAN!
I have a coach named Gail whom I love. She congratulates me on what I’m doing right; when she notices something I could improve on,
Choose your story wisely
We both stood there astride our bikes, our voices choking with grief. Kath pointed at the green foliage surrounding us and said, “Can you imagine
PLAYER DOWN!
Last night at our softball game (go Diamond Divas!) the pitcher got hurt. I didn’t see what happened (I was the third base coach in
Julie’s June Journal
Are you familiar with the term “Upper Limit?” It’s one of the craziest ideas I learned from Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. And the one that
Thirty things I learned (about relationships) in thirty years
In July, my spouse Kathy and I celebrated our thirtieth anniversary. To commemorate this wonderful occasion, I did 30 posts on “Thirty Things I Learned
Door #3: Beyond patriarchy into co-creativity
As we’ve collectively whirled through the latest political battle, we stand back and assess the winners and losers. The winners chortle and celebrate their spoils,
What Alphas don’t know (yet)
“In many ways the performances of Donald Trump remind me of male chimpanzees and their dominance rituals,” Jane Goodall, the anthropologist, told me shortly before
Blessing our human wholeness
It’s the season of Thanksgiving. But are you ready to see the blessing of your human wholeness? Last night, at the Intensive Learning Community (an
Befriending anger
(Want to know more about healthy anger? Listen to my podcast #11, Anger is Power.) Knowing what to do with anger is very tricky
RDIY Podcast #11: ANGER IS POWER
In this podcast, Dr. Colwell addresses one of the most challenging human emotions: Anger. You’ll learn the body signals of anger, how they are trying
S.E.W.-ing your way out of power struggle
Here’s the single skill that will end the most difficult of power dynamics: S.E.W. In my post called “Power Dynamics: We know ’em when when we see
POWER DYNAMICS: We know ’em when we feel ’em
Today I’m sharing my biggest discovery, culled out of over 40,000 hours of working with clients: All problems in relationships come from entangled power dynamics. I’ve
Believe your true knowing (instead of the news)
Have you wondered what you can believe lately? What I think? Believe you. Unearth the you that is ever-present underneath all the years of conditioning, and
Where’d the Flow Go? Live video course
“Where’d the Flow Go?” 8 week live video course (on Zoom) on applying “The Relationship Skills Workbook” Julie Colwell will teach core concepts of the
Relationship Boot Camps
Interested in going deep with your partner? I’m teaching two relationship boot camps, each 3 days, each limited to 4 couples. You’ll learn powerful skills
Influence through physiology: From power struggle to flow
Do you want to know how to truly influence those around you? How to move out of control battles and find ways for everyone to
Building a friendly universe one inner state at a time
Does one’s inner state really matter that much? What if what is going on inside of you really is all that matters? Find out more… I
Want to get out of the triangle with politics?
You may have seen my blog challenging you to stop consuming two types of news, and then to add in a daily dose of creativity creativity. (Here’s that
A challenge from the EEPs!
One of the main challenges of our work has been to find something that people like better than the rush they get from adrenaline. And
Today, forgiveness
Forgive: The sense of “to give up desire or power to punish” (late Old English) . -–Online Etymological Dictionary Our species has a proclivity for
“Do you live in a friendly universe?” Redux
I wrote this back in January, 2015. As I was meditating this morning, it occurred to me that my attention has shifted back to focusing
Video: Understanding the Inner Map
I had a blast presenting to Katie Hendricks’ Leadership and Transformation program on 12/3/16. Here’s the YouTube link. Enjoy the theory behind the Inner Map, including: how
Be an activist: Choose Joy
In the onslaught of current political news, how do you decide what to actually DO? Your energy can split out in many directions. You could
Power Tool #1: The Inner Map
If you know me, you know how much I appreciate having the right tool for the job. I love the satisfaction of getting the perfect
It’s time
It’s been 2 ½ months since the election. We’ve had time to be shocked, to grieve. Time to shake our fists at the unfairness of
Time to grow up: Embodying integrity as the next step
“If you live from the 4 Pillars of Integrity, you no longer need an exogenous belief system. Your practice of the 4 pillars becomes a
Ten ways to be a happy activist (especially these days…)
“OK, I’m ready. What can I DO?” My initial post-election shock has moved from frozen fear, through sadness and anger, to a surge of focused
“But what do I say to my family??” 4 ways to create peace at the Thanksgiving table.
The election has exposed a deep schism in our country. It’s been there all along, but, like an earthquake, the fault-lines have cracked us open
Evolutionary Power: The light cracking through
Apocalypse: “One of the Jewish and Christian writings of 200 b.c. to a.d. 150 marked by…the expectation of an imminent cosmic cataclysm in which God
How it’s perfect that Hillary lost the election
I’m a staunch Hillary supporter. We still have our “Hillary 2008” bumper sticker displayed in our garage. We wore hats and t-shirts, drove around with
Post-election: What level do you choose?
Dying is easy It’s living that scares me to death… –From “Cold,” by Annie Lennox Get out your Inner Map. Can’t dig it
The real chasm in the US: Reactive Brain vs. Creative Brain
Once this election is over, how in the world will we heal the yawning chasm that has opened up between us Americans? I’ve mused on
Meditation: Reactive Brain to Creative Brain
Use this meditation to shift out of Reactive Brain and into Creative Brain.
Introducing “The Inner Map”
I want to get the word out about a powerful tool I’ve been developing over the past few years. It’s easy to understand and has
Trump? Villain or…?
I’ve been transfixed by the election cycle this time around—have you? Participating in the Bernie/Hillary debate (and having some friendships spinning around our differences); watching
I just don’t trust–who?
To state the obvious, trust is a major issue in relationships. In fact, when I see couples, it follows “communication” as The Issue. “I don’t
The miracle of the darkness
As humans, we instinctively recoil from the darkness. We know that danger lurks out there. There might be wild animals, waiting to tear us apart,
Flow happens
Have you experienced flow in your life? I know when I’m in flow when I’m part of life, letting myself be taken by the currents. Like
What if you knew you were fully supported by life?
Have you ever felt like you were battling against life, that life, somehow, “had it in” for you? That, despite your best efforts, you couldn’t “make”
Here’s to the dreamers
In 1993, I was one of those who marched on Washington to support gay rights. It was post Amendment Two, the dark days following Colorado’s
Soothe it, don’t solve it
Have you had this conversation with a partner? (It’s likely that you were either “A” or “B” as this dynamic tends to lend itself to
Celebrating Easter (for those of us who didn’t get it)
Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever suffered? Felt anguished, tortured, forsaken? Me too. We try to figure it out, don’t we? Understand what’s
The power of love–pass it on!
We’ve heard these ideas over and over: Love is powerful. Love heals all wounds. Love what is. Love yourself. Love your neighbor as yourself. All
Do you live in a friendly universe?
Do you live in a friendly universe? “I think the most important question facing humanity is, ‘Is the universe a friendly place?’ This is the
Taking a stand
A great friend of mine sent this post by Rachael Rice to me today. It’s long (you can find the whole post here). Here’s an