Unarguable truth


I have a coach named Gail whom I love. She congratulates me on what I’m doing right; when she notices something I could improve on, she calmly tells me what I did, then how I could do it better. Here I am, 62 years old, and just this summer, I’ve refined my throwing style, can […]

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S.E.W.-ing your way out of power struggle

Here’s the single skill that will end the most difficult of power dynamics: S.E.W. In my post called “Power Dynamics: We know ’em when when we see ’em,” I described how lapsing into instinctive power differences is what behind every relationship conflict. While the magical experience of falling in love is what draws most couples together, the honeymoon ends when

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Believe your true knowing (instead of the news)

Have you wondered what you can believe lately? What I think? Believe you. Unearth the you that is ever-present underneath all the years of conditioning, and believe what you know. I’ve heard it over and over, have you? These times are unprecedented. We’ve never had a POTUS like this, a government as dysfunctional. Meanwhile, the intensity

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Even babies influence

Influence through physiology: From power struggle to flow

Do you want to know how to truly influence those around you? How to move out of control battles and find ways for everyone to get everything they want? There really is a way to do this–and it will take you right into that magic river of flow. Let’s do an experiment. Imagine that I’ve got

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“But what do I say to my family??” 4 ways to create peace at the Thanksgiving table.

The election has exposed a deep schism in our country. It’s been there all along, but, like an earthquake, the fault-lines have cracked us open in an unprecedented way. The aftershocks—of grief, rage, even terror, for some, contrasted with full-out celebration and glee of others—are still rippling through. As each side sizes up where the

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Bark, growl, and whimper.

I worked with a couple recently that was totally stuck. Sleep-deprived with a newborn, they found themselves irritable with each other, having conversations that quickly escalated into conflict. They had a good idea of what the pattern was (A got mad, B tried to placate, A’s anger increased, B got mad, A got scared of

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Conscious Giving and Receiving

“It’s the season of giving!”–Right? Perhaps–though maybe conscious giving and receiving require new skills. Specifically, the ability to ask yourself “what is the truth about what I want to give or don’t want to give, what I want to do or don’t want to do?” Perhaps this season, that is also so rife with overeating,

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Knowing versus Solving

When I taught at Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, some participants were incredulous at the idea that it was possible for everyone to get everything they want. It does sound unbelievable, doesn’t it? And yet I’ve never seen it fail. The key to everyone getting everything they want is to dream first, solve later. It’s the

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Stories solidify, feelings flow

We humans are brilliant at storytelling, and, judging from the endless stream of movies, plays, TV shows, and celebrity gossip columns, we entrance ourselves with both telling them and hearing them. The stories might be long and drawn out: ‘Once upon a time, there was a little girl who went out into the forest…” “Have

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Letting the feelings flow

Labile. Moody. Unstable. Childish. Erratic, fickle, fitful, flighty. We have so many words to describe people who don’t control their emotions, who make the mistake of showing on the outside what is  going on inside. The message is clear: to be mature is to be “cool,” to not let any part of our bodies betray

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