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Selfish? Selfless…or Selfull

“You are so SELFISH!” This particular invective has so much power, people (especially women) arrange their entire lives around making sure that others won’t ever say it–or even think it–about them. They stay as far away from “selfish” as they can, flipping them to the other pole, being “selfless.” Surely that’s better, right? To walk […]

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Shame dies when exposed to light

I don’t know if it’s something about the spring, or an astrological issue, or just life unfolding. It’s been an intense time in my office, a time when people’s long-buried secrets, those that have caused them so much shame, pain, and self-recrimination, have been coming to the light. I have such a strange and fascinating

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I Choose Happy! Process Step 5: YOUR MANIFESTO

I started this series on October 10, and said it would be two weeks. Wellll–here we are, twenty days later–are you still with me? To remind you, thus far we’ve: Made the commitment to Choosing Happy (over Being Right) Listed what we’d learned as Measures of Success Surfaced our own Measures of Success Savored what

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I Choose Happy! Process Step #2

In I Choose Happy! Step #1, I asked you to make a commitment to choosing being happy over being right. You might have experienced what is very common after making a new commitment: that the obstacles to that commitment appear right away. Maybe you had thoughts like, “This is stupid, Julie lives in a totally

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Taking right versus happy to a whole new dimension

“Would you rather be right or be happy?” That question is a stock query in spiritual circles. I’ve used it in my relationship workshops to support couples to shift out of the arguments that create power struggles and back into the ease, connection, and love that brought them together. When I find that I’ve taken

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Hello, Michigan!

Greetings to my sweet, brave, and, fun companions from the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival! I had the honor and the thrill of teaching around 100 women conscious tools, both in intensives and then in fishbowl coaching. Imagine, if you can, circles of people sitting together on low beach chairs out in the middle of a clearing

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How do your fires burn?

Yesterday, I taught my annual One Day Intensive on Sexuality, Creativity, and Aliveness to a wonderful group of participants. It was a lively day, as we explored a subject that can seem so complicated, with its potential for triggering old issues and exposing the intricacies of trying to connect intimately with another human. And yet–I

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Stories solidify, feelings flow

We humans are brilliant at storytelling, and, judging from the endless stream of movies, plays, TV shows, and celebrity gossip columns, we entrance ourselves with both telling them and hearing them. The stories might be long and drawn out: ‘Once upon a time, there was a little girl who went out into the forest…” “Have

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Does being afraid make you a wimp?

Many folks believe that there’s something wrong with certain emotions. It might be OK to be scared and sad, but not mad–that’s mean! Or anger is acceptable, but not that wimpy stuff like fear or sadness. In some families, being happy was the only state allowed. Trying to express only certain emotions stops the flow.

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