Taking responsibility

Befriending the darkness

We’re moving into the darkest time of the year. The days are shortening; the nights seem to be increasing their steady pull into the intensity of shadow and black. Halloween—with its ghosts and ghoulish goblins, its focus on death and the macabre—stalks us through leaves swirling in the fall wind. Much of my work lately […]

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Feelings are between you and you

What you’re feeling is between you and you

(I facilitate a wonderful group called the Life Alignment Program. An excellent question came up from one of the members and I decided to share my response here.)  The question: “Isn’t the point to express feelings, whenever and wherever, in order to be transparent and authentic?” Communicating about your emotional world to those around you

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The scourge of blame

A plane is shot down with hundreds of lives lost, thousands more forever changed. Boys playing on the beach are bombed into unrecognizability. The finger-pointing begins, warships are on alert. Tremendous energy is used up in an age-old human practice: Blame. Blame’s favorite sibling is, of course, being right. As in: I am so sure

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Loving your Reactive Brain (and everyone else’s, too)

When was the last time that your body was triggered? Yesterday? 10 minutes ago? Are you triggered right now, with the telltale signs: elevated pulse, adrenalized state, tightened muscles, shallow, quick breathing, thoughts that are racing (or simply absent)? OK, some of you are thinking, “well SURE! That’s how I usually feel, especially at work/home

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Selfish? Selfless…or Selfull

“You are so SELFISH!” This particular invective has so much power, people (especially women) arrange their entire lives around making sure that others won’t ever say it–or even think it–about them. They stay as far away from “selfish” as they can, flipping them to the other pole, being “selfless.” Surely that’s better, right? To walk

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What if God was all of us?

I grew up Episcopalian. I went with my family to church until I was a teenager, sang in the choir, can still sing to you the beautiful Sanctus that Father Howell would intone before Communion. I loved the stained glass, the vestments, the rituals. And I never understood anything that was being said. I’d try,

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Shame dies when exposed to light

I don’t know if it’s something about the spring, or an astrological issue, or just life unfolding. It’s been an intense time in my office, a time when people’s long-buried secrets, those that have caused them so much shame, pain, and self-recrimination, have been coming to the light. I have such a strange and fascinating

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My thoughts on the bombing

What I’ve noticed about the bombing is my own lack of reaction. I don’t know anyone personally who has been impacted, and I don’t have a personal connection to Boston, so I’m sure that’s part of it what’s going on for me. A whole other piece that I’m interested in, however, is that I’m not

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Top 10 powerful ideas I learned from Ayurveda

I’ve been thinking and talking with folks a lot about health lately. As I was using my tongue scraper this morning (it’s a way to clean off the “ama,” or disease-creating substance that gathers in our bodies), I was thinking about how much Ayurveda (the 5,000 year-old system of medicine from India) has changed my

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Loving the bad guys

Having had time to process some of my horror and outrage about the Newtown shootings, I’ve had time to muse on the greater implications. Specifically, I’ve begun to wonder what it means to be the shooter. The social isolate who finally cracks, the sociopath who is willing to terrorize, the copycat who phones in the bomb

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