Self-hate, self-love

Celebrating the season of darkness

I know the dark calls to you sometimes. That you turn your face from the light. I know you walk down the roads you know you shouldn’t, walk into places your heart is gently urging you not to. –Sarah Blondin, Practicing Gentle Kindness Toward Ourself* So, how are you doing with the darkest time of […]

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Befriending anger

(Want to know more about healthy anger? Listen to my podcast #11, Anger is Power.)   Knowing what to do with anger is very tricky for us humans. We have a shared understanding that we shouldn’t hurt each other (the Golden Rule and all). But we don’t know what we should do with all of

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It’s time

It’s been 2 ½ months since the election. We’ve had time to be shocked, to grieve. Time to shake our fists at the unfairness of it all. Time to fantasize what country we might escape to. And—we’ve had time to look around, see who else shares our outrage. Make contact with them. And then—we’ve had

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The miracle of the darkness

As humans, we instinctively recoil from the darkness. We know that danger lurks out there. There might be wild animals, waiting to tear us apart, or a deep hole we might unwittingly fall into, or a robber or marauder or rapist waiting to attack us. The darkness is unpredictable, unknowable, uncontrollable. To be avoided. The natural

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Here’s to the dreamers

In 1993, I was one of those who marched on Washington to support gay rights. It was post Amendment Two, the dark days following Colorado’s referendum that made discrimination against gays and lesbians part of the state’s constitution. One of the events of that march was a mass marriage, led by Rev. Troy Perry of

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The power of love–pass it on!

We’ve heard these ideas over and over: Love is powerful. Love heals all wounds. Love what is. Love yourself. Love your neighbor as yourself.  All you need is love. For many years, I had no idea what people were talking about. Sure, I loved my family and friends. I had romantic partners and knew that

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Loving your Reactive Brain (and everyone else’s, too)

When was the last time that your body was triggered? Yesterday? 10 minutes ago? Are you triggered right now, with the telltale signs: elevated pulse, adrenalized state, tightened muscles, shallow, quick breathing, thoughts that are racing (or simply absent)? OK, some of you are thinking, “well SURE! That’s how I usually feel, especially at work/home

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Selfish? Selfless…or Selfull

“You are so SELFISH!” This particular invective has so much power, people (especially women) arrange their entire lives around making sure that others won’t ever say it–or even think it–about them. They stay as far away from “selfish” as they can, flipping them to the other pole, being “selfless.” Surely that’s better, right? To walk

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