Relationships

Dogs surveying the park

The best things I know about couples’ dynamics I learned at the dog park

It’s how we start most days, heading off with our two canine companions to the local dog park. We know many of the dogs by name, though actually asking the owners’ names (even if we see them daily) is a whole other level of intimacy that we generally don’t attain. As we drive up we’re

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Mean, nice-? SHINE ON!

Years ago I was teaching the Intensive Learning Community and thought to divide the group into those who were MEAN and those who were NICE. No problem–people knew exactly what I meant, and had strong reactions to those who were in the other group. Since then I’ve wondered about that energetic dichotomy. What is it

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GO TEAM HUMAN!

I have a coach named Gail whom I love. She congratulates me on what I’m doing right; when she notices something I could improve on, she calmly tells me what I did, then how I could do it better. Here I am, 62 years old, and just this summer, I’ve refined my throwing style, can

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Thirty things I learned (about relationships) in thirty years

In July, my spouse Kathy and I celebrated our thirtieth anniversary. To commemorate this wonderful occasion, I did 30 posts on “Thirty Things I Learned (About Relationships) in Thirty Years.” A few of you asked that I put all of them together. So here is my Thanksgiving gift to you all: All thirty in one

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S.E.W.-ing your way out of power struggle

Here’s the single skill that will end the most difficult of power dynamics: S.E.W. In my post called “Power Dynamics: We know ’em when when we see ’em,” I described how lapsing into instinctive power differences is what behind every relationship conflict. While the magical experience of falling in love is what draws most couples together, the honeymoon ends when

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The entanglement of power dynamics

POWER DYNAMICS: We know ’em when we feel ’em

Today I’m sharing my biggest discovery, culled out of over 40,000 hours of working with clients: All problems in relationships come from entangled power dynamics. I’ve tried so many approaches to getting issues to shift, both with my clients and in my own relationship. Speaking the other’s love language. Watching the ratio of criticisms to appreciations. Feeling

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Even babies influence

Influence through physiology: From power struggle to flow

Do you want to know how to truly influence those around you? How to move out of control battles and find ways for everyone to get everything they want? There really is a way to do this–and it will take you right into that magic river of flow. Let’s do an experiment. Imagine that I’ve got

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Building a friendly universe one inner state at a time

Does one’s inner state really matter that much? What if what is going on inside of you really is all that matters? Find out more… I recently asked “Do You Live in a Friendly Universe?”. In that blog post, I reflected on the importance of one’s inner state and how to connect in with a larger, expanded

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