Love

Playing Your Own Game

When I was little, I started out by fighting dirty. In our household (I was the youngest of four in the 1960s) the siblings fought a lot. I’ve since wondered about that culture, where punching, pushing, and brawling was the order of the day, but it definitely prepared me to stand my ground. And, over

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Thirty things I learned (about relationships) in thirty years

In July, my spouse Kathy and I celebrated our thirtieth anniversary. To commemorate this wonderful occasion, I did 30 posts on “Thirty Things I Learned (About Relationships) in Thirty Years.” A few of you asked that I put all of them together. So here is my Thanksgiving gift to you all: All thirty in one

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The entanglement of power dynamics

POWER DYNAMICS: We know ’em when we feel ’em

Today I’m sharing my biggest discovery, culled out of over 40,000 hours of working with clients: All problems in relationships come from entangled power dynamics. I’ve tried so many approaches to getting issues to shift, both with my clients and in my own relationship. Speaking the other’s love language. Watching the ratio of criticisms to appreciations. Feeling

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It’s time

It’s been 2 ½ months since the election. We’ve had time to be shocked, to grieve. Time to shake our fists at the unfairness of it all. Time to fantasize what country we might escape to. And—we’ve had time to look around, see who else shares our outrage. Make contact with them. And then—we’ve had

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The real chasm in the US: Reactive Brain vs. Creative Brain

Once this election is over, how in the world will we heal the yawning chasm that has opened up between us Americans? I’ve mused on the worrisome development of our vast polarization since the two candidates were chosen (see my blog, “Trump: Evil or…?”). Our country’s unease is palpable. Friendships have been lost; family members no

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Trump? Villain or…?

I’ve been transfixed by the election cycle this time around—have you? Participating in the Bernie/Hillary debate (and having some friendships spinning around our differences); watching in awe as the First Woman in History accepted the presidential nomination (let’s go back and savor that moment again………..wow). And then. The immersion into Trumpdom. I admit it, social

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Here’s to the dreamers

In 1993, I was one of those who marched on Washington to support gay rights. It was post Amendment Two, the dark days following Colorado’s referendum that made discrimination against gays and lesbians part of the state’s constitution. One of the events of that march was a mass marriage, led by Rev. Troy Perry of

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Soothe it, don’t solve it

Have you had this conversation with a partner? (It’s likely that you were either “A” or “B” as this dynamic tends to lend itself to polarization.) A: We HAVE to talk about money. I was just paying the bills and we’re running out of money. We need a BUDGET! B: Wellllll….OK.  A: So let’s start

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