Communication

GO TEAM HUMAN!

I have a coach named Gail whom I love. She congratulates me on what I’m doing right; when she notices something I could improve on, she calmly tells me what I did, then how I could do it better. Here I am, 62 years old, and just this summer, I’ve refined my throwing style, can […]

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ANGER IS ENERGY!

Befriending anger

(Want to know more about healthy anger? Listen to my podcast #11, Anger is Power.)   Knowing what to do with anger is very tricky for us humans. We have a shared understanding that we shouldn’t hurt each other (the Golden Rule and all). But we don’t know what we should do with all of

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S.E.W.-ing your way out of power struggle

Here’s the single skill that will end the most difficult of power dynamics: S.E.W. In my post called “Power Dynamics: We know ’em when when we see ’em,” I described how lapsing into instinctive power differences is what behind every relationship conflict. While the magical experience of falling in love is what draws most couples together, the honeymoon ends when

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Even babies influence

Influence through physiology: From power struggle to flow

Do you want to know how to truly influence those around you? How to move out of control battles and find ways for everyone to get everything they want? There really is a way to do this–and it will take you right into that magic river of flow. Let’s do an experiment. Imagine that I’ve got

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It’s time

It’s been 2 ½ months since the election. We’ve had time to be shocked, to grieve. Time to shake our fists at the unfairness of it all. Time to fantasize what country we might escape to. And—we’ve had time to look around, see who else shares our outrage. Make contact with them. And then—we’ve had

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“But what do I say to my family??” 4 ways to create peace at the Thanksgiving table.

The election has exposed a deep schism in our country. It’s been there all along, but, like an earthquake, the fault-lines have cracked us open in an unprecedented way. The aftershocks—of grief, rage, even terror, for some, contrasted with full-out celebration and glee of others—are still rippling through. As each side sizes up where the

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How it’s perfect that Hillary lost the election

I’m a staunch Hillary supporter. We still have our “Hillary 2008” bumper sticker displayed in our garage. We wore hats and t-shirts, drove around with our magnetized stickers, wore our pantsuits Tuesday. Shook with disbelief during a sleepless post-election night; cried and raged the next day. And then I wondered: How is it perfect that

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I just don’t trust–who?

To state the obvious, trust is a major issue in relationships. In fact, when I see couples, it follows “communication” as The Issue. “I don’t trust you because you…” …cheated on me. Lied to me, betrayed me. Tricked me. Hurt me. Hurt me DEEPLY. As we get under the superficial presenting issue, however, I invariably

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Soothe it, don’t solve it

Have you had this conversation with a partner? (It’s likely that you were either “A” or “B” as this dynamic tends to lend itself to polarization.) A: We HAVE to talk about money. I was just paying the bills and we’re running out of money. We need a BUDGET! B: Wellllll….OK.  A: So let’s start

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Feelings are between you and you

What you’re feeling is between you and you

(I facilitate a wonderful group called the Life Alignment Program. An excellent question came up from one of the members and I decided to share my response here.)  The question: “Isn’t the point to express feelings, whenever and wherever, in order to be transparent and authentic?” Communicating about your emotional world to those around you

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