If you think about it, deciding that what is happening should not be happening is a first step into making yourself feel reeeeallly crazy.
Criticizing and complaining are the outcomes of this crazy-making stance. Our orientation seems to be: in the middle of an experience to judge it as good or bad, then try to make the bad thing to not be happening by criticizing or complaining about it.
“Why do you always leave your socks on the floor?!” Socks on floor=> bad. You are bad for leaving them there and should not have done that. Even though you did. If I punish you enough by shaming you, I can keep that bad thing from happening again.
“I can’t believe I was so stupid!” Whatever I did=> bad. I am bad for having done it. If I punish myself enough by shaming me, I can keep myself from doing that thing again,
“The government is/those politicians/that political group are a bunch of morons!” They are bad=>they should be shamed. Somehow this will change something somewhere.
Carolyn Myss talks about how each of us gets $100 worth of energy each day, then we spend it throughout the day. Maybe we put $10 towards a long walk, or $5 into a quick argument with our spouse. $25 might go into dealing with health issues, $45 to stressing at work. Her point is that, while renewable, our physical vitality is finite.
Criticism and complaining are poor investments of our energy. Trying to shame and punish ourselves or others about what has already occurred is like taking our daily $100 and burning bill after bill, thinking that we’re actually doing something.
Would you like to watch your energetic currency really grow? Appreciate, love, and value others and yourself. Watch how the contraction that comes from being shamed shifts into expansion and possibility, true openness to learning from what is happening. Like a plant, dry from lack of water, you and those around you will bloom before your eyes with the beautiful rain of love, acceptance, and appreciation.
Julie, when I read this, I could feel my energy go up and I was breathing more deeply and smiling by the time I got to the end. Thanks for the lift!
love,
v
Julie- I LOVE this. This is a perfect reminder that we are in charge of our own stuff. Have you seen the shame resilience work by Brene Brown? It has been amazing to see the things we shame ourselves for (or how we are shamed by others) and then how badly that affects our deserve levels and worthiness. Simply crazy what shaming will do! Thanks for your always gentle reminders to live fully and enjoy it!!
Lindsay,
Yes–here’s the link to Brene Brown’s TED talk–amazing. Thanks for joining in the conversation.
speaking of shame and shaming it brouight me right to the recent issues of bullying. we have been so exposed to this that we become the bullyier to our selves and others, almost a comfortability issue.