I like to do a blog that matches our e-newsletter’s theme of the month. Today it’s all about integrity. Integrity is about seeing myself as whole, being as big as I am, and taking the actions that support my wholeness and so my power. My integrity is diminished when I don’t speak the truth, don’t make great agreements, don’t feel what is truly going on, and decide to blame someone else instead of wondering “how am I creating this?”
I watched the consequences of my being out of integrity yesterday. I’d had a great time teaching the Essentials retreat over the weekend, and also noticed I was pretty tired on Monday. But I had a schedule to keep! (notice integrity breach #1?) So I persevered. I wasn’t telling even myself the truth about being tired–isn’t that what caffeine is for? By the time I came home on Monday night, I noticed familiar signs of “being out of integrity:” tight jaw, contracted energy, self-critical thoughts. I kept imagining having fun, yearning for it, but creating being serious. By Tuesday morning I was tighter. I thought about meditating and doing my morning pages, but who has time for that?? By last night my body finally got me to collapse. Phew!
So I woke up again (sleeping, WAKING UP, sleeping, WAKING UP) and became conscious about this. I so appreciate my community (and partner) for their kindness in shaking me gently awake again. The cost of not being in integrity for this round was an immersion into fear thoughts and so shoring up old beliefs about scarcity. Oh well. Now I recommit to living in integrity. And having FUN!