Third key to conscious communication: Speaking the truth

People have reasons for not telling the truth. Good ones, even. Reasons like:

  • It’s not that big of a deal.
  • It’s not a good time.
  • It’s inconvenient.
  • White lies keep relationships oiled and running smoothly.
  • You won’t like it.
  • It will hurt your feelings.
  • It’s good to keep some things to yourself; it helps the sense of mystery.

There’s more to the story, though. Let’s look under the surface of those reasons to find out what’s really going on. Isn’t this more to the point?:

  • If I tell you the truth, you’re going to have a big reaction that I don’t want to deal with.
  • If I don’t tell you what’s really going on, I have control over what will happen next.
  • By not telling you the truth, I can keep some emotional distance from you. That feels safer.
  • If I tell you what’s really going on, you won’t like it; I’d rather just secretly do what I really want to do.

In other words, we trade our authenticity for a sense of control, and the vulnerability of emotional connection for the predictability of distance.

These trade-offs are what ultimately sink relationships. The short-term pay-offs of control and predictability lead to the long-term consequences of each person feeling unseen and unknown. Since what most people treasure about intimacy is the exact opposite–to be seen and known–eventually we either find someone else who we feel “more seen” by, or we sink into the abject loneliness of never being truly known.

The antidote? Committing to speaking the truth, no matter what. And that sounds like this:

“I commit to speaking the truth, no matter what.”

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Watch for my free teleclass, “3 Keys to Catalyzing a Conscious Life: This is Where it all Begins!” Coming soon!

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