A beloved BC3 member,  Dr Dee Cooper, led us through a “God and the Triangle” evening last week that I found to be provocative and fascinating. (The “Triangle” refers to Stephen Karpman’s 1968 formulation that humans get stuck when we find ourselves somewhere in the zone of Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor. If you’re interested, you can find a lot more information about it in my book, The Relationship Ride: A Usable, Unusual, Transformative Guide.)

Dee’s point was that our traditional way of relating to God is to see God as our Rescuer (also known as the Hero) or our Persecutor (aka the Villain). God giveth and God takest away; we’re the Victim. Or maybe we’re the ones who are Villains to God, making God suffer through our sins.

I’ve been percolating with these ideas for a few days now. As I was putting in a new blind yesterday (an activity sure to bring out the Victim in me), my mind wandered around with them. It suddenly occurred to me that the most basic creation story I’ve been taught and have relearned countless times, until it’s become cellular for me, is the one of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. I’m actually sketchy on the details (and don’t want to go research it, imbibe it even more), but the story I learned is that God put Adam and Eve in the garden of bliss (starting the cycle of God Heroing His Children). Then He (here, God is a He) got the Villain snake to go tempt poor, innocent, but clearly kind of gullible (probably because she was inherently evil) Victim Eve with the apple. Eve bit, sending her over to the Villain side, especially once she tempted poor Victim Adam with it.

Like any good Triangle story, once we’ve been victimized, we get to RETALIATE. (E.g., the U.S. gets bombed and we lose 3,000 people, so we get to go to Irag and kill 100,000 more. That’s what’s fair in the world of the Triangle.) Adam (and all subsequent holy men in this tradition) gets to blame Eve for the sins of the world. Over and over and over and over. And over. (Notice the quick slide for Adam from Victim to Villain, while now Villain Eve becomes the Victim. Until she tries to Hero her way out of it all through martyrdom; oh, maybe that’s the Victim. Sigh.) God gets to blame and enslave humans to suffering through work and childbirth. And humans get to see ourselves as the Victim of life and God, knowing suffering is our lot.

My big question these days is how to re-write the stories that we live our lives by. Stories solidify; feelings flow. If I want to anchor myself to a high vibration, I want to internalize a creation story that connects me to that vibration. Now that I’ve unearthed this story that seems to elemental to my own sense of being human, I’ll get cracking on that assignment.

(This is a letter to the editor I just sent off. The title of the article is “America is Winning–and Why” and the cover shows a man pulling open his suitcoat and shirt and exposing the Superman “S”)

I just took the 5/7 issue out of my mailbox and saw –SUPERMAN!

Is this as far as we’ve come? We’re WINNING!?

Winners/losers, the conquered and the vanquished, the hero and the villain (which inevitably requires a victim)-are these REALLY our only choices in the 21st century?

How about–”we’re collaborating in this global economy”? Or “as we succeed, so does the world?”

Let’s have a new vision, one where we all can create a new world together. Where we’re not relying on a (white) superMAN to win and save us. Where each of us comes together with our own value and co-creates from our inner gifts.

Not as sexy, maybe. Not as much drama or adrenaline. But definitely more brilliant, more creative, and holding so many more of us in its possibilities.

Sincerely,

Julia Colwell, Ph.d.

There’s a high school in Walla Walla Washington that has discovered a new disciplinary approach, and has seen its numbers of suspensions drop by 85%. (See this link for the whole story.) The approach is revolutionary, radical even. Here’s how it goes: A student rages at a teacher, yelling obscenities. Then the teacher responds:

“Wow. Are you OK? This doesn’t sound like you. What’s going on?” He gets even more specific: “You really looked stressed. On a scale of 1-10, where are you with your anger?”

From there, the teacher continues to engage the student in noticing his or her own reactivity and then expressing what is really going on with the student, be it difficulties at home or an earlier triggering interaction. In other words, in the face of Reactive Brain, the teacher actually notices the student’s level of upset and disorganization, and supports the student to shift back to Creative brain.

As I read about this new approach, I was incredulous. What I couldn’t believe was that such a simple intervention took us so long to discover. Worse yet, I was unnerved by my own assumption that there really are “bad” kids, kids who will never fit in, who deserve suspension and expulsion. I remembered my own work with “emotionally disturbed” adolescents, and how I (in retrospect) took on the paradigm that the kids we served were somehow different from the other acting out kids, that they clearly had emotional difficulties that would change with the right help. Those other kids, though, they would never change.

The revolutionary approach that Lincoln High School has embraced and had huge success with is only radical in its view of all students as potentially behaving from the effects of trauma and difficulty. It doesn’t separate out some kids from others; it suggests that every student is simply reacting from his or her life circumstances. I teach this every day, that our reactivity is innate and normal, and something to have great compassion about. To see a school adopt this view, that adults (and probably other students) could simply hold space for the expression and ultimately healing of trauma catalyzed a whole new possibility for me. What if all human expression of hostility and aggression were simply the natural response to threat? What if I had the wherewithal to be that calming influence, to hold the space for humans around me to shift out of Reactive Brain, no matter what? What if I would stop categorizing humans, even unconsciously, into good/bad, salvageable and not, and stepped into the chaotic energy of reactivity with breath, groundedness, and love?

There is an emerging point of view that most mental illness is actually based in trauma. The ground-breaking direction of Lincoln High School suggests that we can take this perspective even further: that most of human conflict arises from that same origin, from overwhelming emotional experiences that lodge in the body, waiting to be triggered into acting out. I look forward to seeing what other brand-new interventions we devise that will revert us to the most basic of states, that of compassion for our own humanness.

Awhile back I read someone’s opinion (backed up by his research) that people aren’t more creative in groups. He suggested that, if companies are wanting to get their money’s worth out of an employee, they’d be better off having the employee hang out by him or herself in the office.

This was one of those references that I didn’t imagine going back to. I figured I’d just disregard it, so I can’t link you to the person who wrote it. I’ve mused about that idea since then, though, wondered how in the world someone could have drawn that conclusion. I have such the opposite experience. I can sit and create and quite enjoy myself, but it’s when I hang out with other people that I go way beyond where I began.

It’s one of the biggest pleasures of my life, to co-create with others. Katie Hendricks’ tool of “Tossing”ideas back and forth allows for each person to take the last iteration of an idea and then add her or his own spin, then toss it back. An idea spins and whirls around and does a back flip, until it’s almost unrecognizable. That process is completely exhilarating for me, as I watch creation unfold, with details I never would have imagined. Sometimes I feel like a kid in a toy factory, clapping my hands with glee at the unexpected new toy that appears at the end of the assembly line.

Is it possible that there is a gender difference here? Those with whom I co-create are generally women–is this a process that is easier for women because of our increased value on connection? Is it harder for men to create together in groups because of  a bigger emphasis on competition?

What do you think?

I’ve been seeing a young client who has become devastated by his inability to be happy, to uplift himself and those around him. To carry the light. Instead, he has recently found himself face-to-face with his own darkness. So today I’ve been thinking quite a lot about that what those two poles, the light and the dark, really are about.

I, myself, love to write, read, hear about what is inspirational. It’s the uplifting ideas I’m drawn to, the ones where, upon encountering them, my heart expands, I feel optimistic and open, and I want to go around hugging people. So–what about the darkness? What about contraction and density, the shame, hatred, despair, fear, grief, violence? Where does this go?

While I’d love to see myself as someone who only carries the light, that would be a very incomplete description of my inner, and outer self. Ask my partner–she gets to see my threatened animal self, the part of me I express when I’m in Reactive Brain. Authors and teachers refer to the Reactive Brain as the ego, and when humans are activated into it, we see the world from that place. There isn’t enough, others are enemies and competitors, and for the time we’re in RB, it makes sense to attack and defend.

My own work about being conscious is about loving both the darkness and the light. It’s about me embracing every single aspect of myself, be it the most divinely compassionate and generous, or the rabidly aggressive. I don’t like it when I behave from those more contracted places–I feel yucky and create consequences I don’t like–and yet I know the importance of loving myself anyway.

My invitation to my young client is to get to know all parts of himself, and even to love and appreciate them. The humility that arises when we know that every single one of us is capable of both enlightenment and atrocity forms the deepest bonds of human connection between us.

I work with lots of folks who have been traumatized in one way or another. (Trauma is actually extremely common; from the “big T” traumas of going to war, being assaulted, or being in a natural disaster, to the “little t” traumas of the first day of kindergarten, pretty much everyone can say they have some history of trauma.) One outcome of trauma can be what is known as “hypervigilance,” the perpetual placing of one’s attention outside of oneself to track potential dangers. Like a radar that is constantly scanning the environment, people who are hypervigilant spend lots of energy tracking what is going on outside of them.

Trauma is instant learning. In a car accident, the body learns immediately that cars are dangerous; in a mugging, that a certain type of person or a time of night or a particular street should be avoided. Bodies are smart this way. Since our survival depends on being able to quickly discern what is dangerous from what is safe, it is to our body’s advantage to get this information instantly and thoroughly.

The design flaw in this set-up, however, is that hypervigilance makes us not present. Our attention is outside of us, trying to pick up cues, so that very little time is spent attending to what is going on internally. We are thus apt to miss all the signals our greater wisdom is trying to give us. This is the explanation behind data that suggests people who have been assaulted have a much higher rate of future assaults. They might be scanning the environment for warning signs, but they’re totally missing their internal signals.

Practicing what Katie Hendricks calls the “loop of awareness” can be extremely useful as a way to shift out of hypervigilance while gaining skills in being present. You can try it right now. Breathe in and out, and notice what your body feels like as the breath travels into your body; while you’re noticing your breath, you can also tune into other sensations that are happening internally. Now, while taking another breath, shift your attention outside of you, scanning around you. Loop back in again, giving your body the deliciousness of your full attention; now loop back out, opening your vision so that you see as much of the external world as you can.

Knowing what is going on with you while you simultaneously notice the outside world prepares you to respond to the moment. Then you can really trust yourself that, no matter what, you’re going to be all right.

Are you interested in doing more of this work of consciousness while being in a supportive and rich community of learners? I have several workshops coming up: Essentials, Adding the Body, and more. Get more information at my website, www.JuliaColwell.com.

(Earlier today, a beloved member of the Intensive Learning Community here at the BC3 posted about her grief and despair about global warming. We’ve had no precipitation at all in the Boulder/Denver area, during March, generally the snowiest month, and there are still wildfires burning. This is what I posted back to her.)

I’ve been musing about this all day. Here are some thoughts:

When our species goes into Reactive Brain, a bunch of things happen:
–We see other as enemy (first thing).
–We believe our survival is threatened.
–We compete.
–We believe there is not enough, and that more is better.
–We instinctively form hierarchies, relying on dominance/submission to circle our wagons, feel safer. That results in dominance expression (bluster, contempt, ridicule, aggressive outbursts) and submissive expression (collapse, immobilization, pulling in).
–Everything we see validates our reality (since we create from our state). So we see more of what’s wrong, what’s scary, what is threatening.

Since humans have mostly lived in Reactive Brain (as our survival really was threatened for most of millennia), we’ve created results that reflect that. We’ve hoarded, used up, destroyed, fought, competed, thought only of the present, tribalized. (BTW, this is all arguable; i’m sure there have been civilizations that haven’t done this; this is a reflection of the reality/culture that I know.)

How do we move through this, find solutions?

SOLUTIONS WILL NOT COME FROM REACTIVE BRAIN.

Period.

RB doesn’t want us to know this. It wants to focus on what is wrong. That’s what it was designed for. However, focusing on what’s wrong will give us more of what’s wrong.

Solutions come from Creative Brain.

That is not being Pollyanna, or not facing into the problems. It is following Einstein’s maxim that “a problem cannot be solved in the same state of consciousness from which it was created.”

Notice all the energy that goes nowhere from Reactive Brain. All of that adrenaline generally doesn’t go into solving problems. Mostly people feel angry and mean or sad and despairing. Not creative.

This time calls for new solutions, things none of us have even dreamed of.

From Creative Brain, we expand into new possibilities. Acceptance, Appreciation, Love, Joy all open us to different vibrations. We can solve anything, ANYTHING from those vibrations.

I commit to putting my energies towards supporting people to living from their, our full potential. I know, through and through, that that is how we’ll truly transform this planet and get to the other side of the problems our 200,000 years of Reactive Brain have created.

I rode my bike home tonight. It was dark outside, and I was in my shirtsleeves–in March! The evening air felt exhilarating, and I stood up on my peddles to totally enjoy the ride.

As I rode along, I mused about all of the exchanges I’d had during the day. My hours were filled with interactions that were fun, co-creative, fascinating, inspiring, frustrating, challenging, disconnecting, comforting, community-building, hysterically funny, scary, fulfilling…and…and…rich. All very rich.

I am a wealthy woman. I am loaded with the riches of relationship–with people, animals, my bike, the night air, my inner world. As I breathed in deeply while I pedaled along, I could feel life flowing through me, the remnants of the interactions of the day. My heart swelled, I touched into my deepest sense of aliveness. And I appreciated being on this relationship ride.

Katie Hendricks just spent the weekend here in Boulder, spreading her wisdom to the BC3 and beyond. I’m fascinated and grateful that, even after 17 years of learning from Katie, whenever I’m with her I discover the next profound idea that takes me to a new place in my life.

This time she said this: “As humans, our challenge is no longer the threats we’re defending against. It’s how we’re defending against life.”

I’ve rolled that around for the past few days, wondering about its power. I see how sometimes I shrink back, shut down against life. I fear its unpredictability and lack of control; I don’t want to feel loss, or pain, or anger; I push back when something is happening that I think shouldn’t be happening.

The last couple of days have been full of those very kinds of experiences I’ve defended against at other times. Our beloved kitty has disappeared and is likely dead from an encounter with a wild animal. I left my wallet in Katie’s car, a rental that is who knows where right now. I could feel the pull to defend against these experiences, to rail against them or me for being wrong and bad. I didn’t want to face into the emptiness of our house without Shadow. I don’t want to feel the messiness of my missing wallet.

Katie said, “You know, life lives us. It’s a never-ending energy that fills us out from the inside, takes us wherever it’s going.” It’s a mighty river that calls to us to jump in and get pulled along.

So–I commit to LIFE. With all of its chaos, all that it means. To feeling the biggest emotions, to participating with the most painful and most sublime experiences.

How about you? Do you commit to life?

I led a “fishbowl coaching” session last night, where brave souls agree to be in the middle, getting coached by me, while others support and learn from the coaching by sitting in an outside circle.

We had three 45 minute sessions together. The first slot was filled by an adult child/parent combination; the other two were individuals who wanted to work through some stuck places. As the night went on, there was a palpable sense of cozy intimacy, the feeling that we were doing sacred work together. The combination of the cold February night, the late hours, and the beginnings of a wind storm added to the tender connection between us all.

By the end of the evening, there was a pile of used and crumpled kleenexes. We all had had the honor of witnessing anger being experienced and moved through, fear being faced, new commitments being made. My heart really swelled, though, from watching people, over and over and over, be willing to face into their own unconscious patterns–in public, even!–and choose a new way. This business of getting conscious can feel pretty tough sometimes. To look the truth straight in the eye and make a shift, with no defense, no bluster, no ego–now that’s true courage.